Love all

WHY DO we believe that there is one special person out there for each of us who is our true soulmate? Why do we feel that when we meet that one special person we will know him/her immediately and our lives will be change forever? And why do we automatically assume that we will share a bond that’s not possible with any one anyone else. Perhaps it’s because some of us- the idealistic ones at least, don’t outgrow our teenage years when romantic emotions are idealized to such an extent that we spend the rest of our lives just waiting for perfect time.

Usually the desire for the even when we are disappointed by the long wait, the waiting never ends. Because we would give anything to discover this much desired other being who will make life complete- like two perfact halves which were meant to be jointed together.

If all this sounds like a lot of mantic jargon; you’re right At least that’s what experts say: ‘soulmates’ should remain where they are meant to be- in our imagination.

HOW IT STARTED
Throughout centuries fuelled by romantic imagination, tales undying eternal love have been carried through and this is why everyone believe that he one is waiting for him or her and they must sail through all the riff raff, the superfluous partners before they actually strike gold. Says Rakhi Anand, Clinical Psychologist.

“The concept of soulmates starts when is relatively young and the hormones are activated, Leading to idealistic thoughts. But it dies down as one gets older and practicalities take over. The ones who don’t grow out of it and do not want to be flexible when it comes to choosing a partner are the ones who have the maximum problems in handing adult relationship. No one out there is perfectly made for you and you’ve got to accept that.

Usually it’s like this: if two people have the ingredients for a highly compatible, successful relationship, they should then work to develop closeness and intimacy. And this means expanding one’s vision from that one ‘soulmate’ to many other potential partners.

Nilesh Sharma, who works with an MNC, is a serial dater. He says, “I’ve been out with many women but that ‘one’ still eludes me. I’m die hard romantic so I’ll keep looking!”

REALITY BYTES:
In reality there is so such thing as having the ‘perfact’ partner to live your life with. What we don’t realize is that may be the other ‘ones’ that have so far sailed through in our lives would have made far better potential partners than the ideal ‘soulmate’ is whole lot of bunkum.

‘If you actually work at and value relationship that have, say. Eight positive points as compared to three negative ones, then you reserve to be in good relationship. After all, everything needs touch up,” add Anand of VIMHANS.

A recent survey of 5,000 couples, conducted by psychologist Neil Clark Warren of eharmony.com says that there are 29 characteristics, including religious value, ambition and energy level, that determine a couple’s compatibility quotient.’ That is, the more two partners match on these critical qualities, the better their chances of staying happily married. They study says it means that one person will be able most 500 possible partners!

So ‘soul mates’ are actually made, not born.

Your soul mate is someone…

WHY YOU CAN SETTLE FOR ‘SECOND BEST’
So even at the risk of sounding like an anti-romantic, we give you the cold, hard facts. Perfact matches are usually created not ‘made’ in heaven. And though you may think you’re settling for ‘second best’-that might not really be the case because all that matters in compatibility and after that, the key word is ‘nature’

“Flexible people who enter relationships with no expectations are the ones who do not have too many problems. But the ones who already have a blueprint of what they want and are very finicky are the ones who are disappointed,” Says Anand.

Love and the soul mate connection are fine when you enter into a relationship but ultimately compatibility is what counts. You may have the best sex of your life and blazing chemistry with a partner who may not necessarily make you happy in other ways, but ultimately it depends on order of your priorities and whether your needs are met or not.

One person may put caring and sharing above all and the other may put money above all. If your prime needs are met, you have what he takes for successful marriage and partnership. And as people grow older and more mature, most are able to understand this.

Deepali Saxena, a teacher, says, “I had an arranged marriage and not too many expectations. But today Ritesh and I have good, secure, and if I may say so, romantic relationship too!”

And here’s some common sense advice to your soul mate: you should look for someone who suits your needs and with whom you have a lot in common. You should also accept that you don’t need to find the ‘one soul mate’ to be happy and fulfilled and give as much of your self to all your relationships. That way you will not have to look back in regret over that potential partner you spilt up with and who could have given your story a happy ending.