‘I stopped eating at home, worried she might try to poison me’

A man’s voice is often muted after the break-up of marriage, with the woman being projected as a hapless soul. Melwin D'souza’s emotional, mental and financial quandary is no different from what the fairer sex experiences.

Ours was a love marriage. I’m catholic while my ex-wife is from a different community. We met in 1994 through work and got friendly. After a few months, when we decided to get married, her parents weren’t in favour- I was catholic and only a class four pass (and she’s a graduate). After much deliberation we finally married in 1995 when I change my religion, without my parents’ knowledge. We rented a place in Malad (my parents lived in virar). I was working with a start-up company and had a very hectic schedule- 14-16 hour work days and a very tight budget. She, however, chose to remain a housewife.

I grew with the company. In 1997, I took loans and bought a house in Lokhandwala in her name. Eventually, she complained of loneliness and joined some grooming classes. She became friendly with one of the teachers there and started tying him a rakhi. He would come over to our place when I wasn’t around but I didn’t bother much since I trusted her. At the completion of the course in 2000 she told me she’d like to work since it’ll also help pay back the loans. I encouraged her and she started conducting grooming classes at home with the help of her rakhi brother. She then started partying and going for night outs. I went along once or twice but didn’t enjoy it. I also tired to discourage her since it was financially unfeasible. But then, she would lie to me. However, I still didn’t question her since I trusted her.

CHANGING TIDES
In 2001, things took an ugly turn. My father had retired and I asked them to stay with us. They were worried that despite being a housewife, my wife was hardly around. When they would ask her whereabouts, she’d insult them. One day she asked me to send them away. I had no choice but to comply- I didn’t want them to be insulted. I cried that whole night.

Small incidents of harassment now started. She stopped bothering about me and would either sleep In the hall or stay at her rakhi brother’s house, who was a bachelor. In January 2002, she went to Delhi to visit her relatives. When she turned in March, she was completely changed woman. She would ask me when I would leave the house. And when I’d ask her why she’s behaving this way, she would say she didn’t want to stay with me any more. She started harassing me and told me that she’s involved with someone else. I used to stay disturbed at work, wondering what’s gone wrong. I loved her and didn’t want to leave her. I thought maybe she’s upset over something and needs time. But the situation only worsened.

TROUBLED WATERS
I couldn’t speak to any one through. I’d already lost my wife, a happy married life and my flat. My greatest fear was that if she threw me out of the house and claimed the flat, how I would pay back the loans. I was embarrassed and didn’t want to make a domestic row public. But I was left with little options. I finally consulted my friends and took legal help. In 2003, I filed for restoration of conjugal right; that is, the right to restore our marriage and have her back. But this backfired and the harassment only multiplied. As a reply to my notice, she filed for maintenance, asking me to pay her RS.25, 000 per month- an amount that I wasn’t even earning. The court case continued and I was still living in the house.

She would stay in the house whenever she felt like it but she mostly stayed out. I couldn’t trust her any more. I stopped eating at home, worried that she might try to poison me. One day, when I returned after two day tour, she refused to the door. I kept the ringing the bell for 30 minutes. I approached the police. They accompanied me but she didn’t open the door for them either. Finally, when I explained the matter to them they suggested that I leave her alone since the house is in her name. They also told me that they’d have no choice but to leave. That night I slept at my friend’s place. I experienced a different emotion every moment- from shock to hatred to anxiety to despair. I wanted to commit suicide. I found myself slipping into bouts of depression but somehow managed to control myself.

FIGHT FOR JUSTCE
This incident opened my eyes. There was no point in being sentimental-I filed for rights to the house the very next day. The hearing went on for 20 days and the result was in my favour-none of us could stop the other from accessing the house and neither was any third party access allowed. This gave me a ray of hope.

By early 2005, I filed for divorce. I was tired, hurt and in debt. Now I had legal expenses too. Initially my wife refused to give me a divorce but when I showed evidence in the court, she relented. I was ashamed even to present to evidence after all, she was my wife. But I had to choose between my life and hers; I chose to be practical.

The cross-examination began. We would have hearings every day. I was unable to attend work. But my employers were very supportive- they didn’t throw me out even though their work suffered. The court granted us a divorce but ownership of the flat and maintenance were issues that came in the way. The cross-examination went on for two months. It was the worst time of my life. I couldn’t hide anything my finances, my mental and psychological condition every thing was brought out in the open. Every day felt like exam day. I felt like I was being ripped apart- my personal life and its gory details had become public knowledge. I wanted to give up but I’d made up my mind that I would not let her win. I had done no wrong and all I wanted was justice.

REDEMPTION
The pain and suffering finally paid off. The judgment was in my favour- we got divorced and the apartment was transferred in my name. I’m now supposed to pay her RS.7, 000 per month as maintenance. I can never forget the day the judgment was passed- me faith in god and the judicial system was restored. Though certain issues are still pending, the case is more or less settled.

It took almost three years of litigation before the order was passed. I feel vulnerable- mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. However, this time period has also helped me get over bothered about paying my debts off. I have a lot of loans on my head and, unless I pay them off, I cannot live in peace. I’m now just working hard towards it and trying to gather the pieces of my life together. I know I’m not at fault and I know I will succeed one day.

Not many are aware of the basic legalities involved in divorce. Advocate Nilofer S Akhtar shares some information on the subject: